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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 969760 times)

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Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2520 on: May 22, 2015, 06:24:02 PM »
Boy you said a mouthful, Ron

Well, anything more than a mouthful is a waste . . .

But I have a big mouth, and I'm very wasteful.
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2521 on: May 23, 2015, 06:03:23 AM »
Let's see --  it's Saturday, so I won't try to tell a joke.  but I will offer a comment to Chris (and youse others guys, too).

No, Sir -- more than a mouthful is certainly NOT a waste.  I could go on, but to hear more you'll have to be in touch via PM or email or in person.  Gotta let dignity rein here on the Forum. :-D :-D
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Offline rouse

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2522 on: May 23, 2015, 11:13:39 AM »
I always thought that more than a mouthful was a playground :-D

Rouse
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Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2523 on: May 23, 2015, 02:00:30 PM »
You're close, Johnnie, but I think the word playground is used in another description.  The question is "Why doesn't a woman's chest grow hair?" and the answer is:

"Grass doesn't grow on a playground".
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline relaxedphit

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2524 on: May 29, 2015, 10:15:43 AM »
A terrible mind is a thing to waste and mine has been wasted many times.

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2525 on: May 29, 2015, 10:29:05 AM »
Everyone laughed when I told them I wanted to be a comedian.


No one is laughing now.

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2526 on: May 29, 2015, 03:13:27 PM »
Why does the letter C hate all the other letters in the alphabet?


Because they are all not c's.


Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2527 on: May 29, 2015, 03:14:17 PM »
Just not the same without ole Jerry.  Jerry come back....we miss you!!

Offline Ron Gibson

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2528 on: May 29, 2015, 03:46:55 PM »
Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene. After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they call their sergeant on his cell phone.
 
"Hello Sarge."
 
"Yes."
 
"It looks like we have a homicide here. "
 
"What happened?"
 
"A woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor she had just mopped."
 
"Have you placed her under arrest?"
 
"No sir. The floor is still wet. "
Life is an abrasive. Whether you get ground away or polished to a shine depends on what you are made of.

Offline Speed Limit 1000

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2529 on: May 29, 2015, 08:44:01 PM »
An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old mans wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they are for the funeral!"
John Gowetski, red hat @ 221.183 MPH MSA Lakester, Bockscar #1000 60 ci normally aspirated w/N20

Offline tallguy

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2530 on: May 29, 2015, 11:37:30 PM »
Three quickies:


I gave my wife a diet book . . . she ate it.


When she gets angry, she stops talking to me . . . so I pick fights with her.


I smoked some cannabis, expecting to get the "marijuana munchies" . . .
but all I got was a pot belly.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2531 on: May 30, 2015, 12:27:18 AM »
 :cheers:

Mike
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline tallguy

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2532 on: June 05, 2015, 02:31:03 AM »
Three guys -- a doctor, a lawyer, and a land speed racer -- are all walking
on a bridge across a wide river.  They each have to take a leak.

The doctor says:  That river sure is cold . . .

The lawyer says:  And deep . . .

The land speed racer says:  And long!

Robin UK

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2533 on: June 05, 2015, 05:24:20 AM »
I'm a referee's assistant.

It's not what I do for a living.

More of a sideline.

Robin



Robin UK

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2534 on: June 05, 2015, 05:28:40 AM »
A baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What'll ya have?" The seal says,"Anything but a Canadian Club."

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.The beer is poured, and the neutron asks how much it owes.
"For you," the bartender answers, "no charge."

Robin