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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 866316 times)

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Offline lsrjunkie

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2040 on: September 05, 2014, 03:04:45 PM »
Alright gents, here we go...

Little Johnny is sitting on a park bench eating candy bars. One right after the other, really mowing them down. About that time a little old man walks up and takes a seat next to Johnny and says, "Johnny, you sure are eating an awful lot of candy bars, should you be doing that?" to which Johnny replies, "Sir, my grandfather lived to be 95 years old." The little old man asked, "Did he eat that much candy?" Johnny swiftly answers, "I don't know sir, but he did learn to mind his own d@mn business."
Maybe there is no Heaven. Or maybe this is all pure gibberish. The product of a demented hill billy who has found a way to live out where the winds blow. To sleep late, have fun, drink whiskey, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love or getting arrested.    H.S. Thompson

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2041 on: September 12, 2014, 06:51:30 AM »
I`ve decided to move my  dry-cleaning business next to a convent....In case the sisters have any dirty habits.........................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2042 on: September 12, 2014, 08:11:22 AM »
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2043 on: September 12, 2014, 12:46:01 PM »
A hot blonde ordered a double entendre at the bar. The bar tender gave it to her.
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2044 on: September 12, 2014, 01:32:14 PM »
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
Math jokes are a sine of madness...............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2045 on: September 12, 2014, 01:33:33 PM »
What do you call an excited right corner???.....An erectangle..............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2046 on: September 19, 2014, 07:29:21 AM »
what do you call a boring porpoise ???...A  Dull-fin :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2047 on: September 19, 2014, 07:31:17 AM »
Guy walked up to me and said " Your voice sounds like an owl`s"  ..and I replied " Who" ??? :evil:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2048 on: September 19, 2014, 07:44:59 AM »
I've been sitting on these for two weeks, they need to be let loose...

1. Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
2. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny.
5. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not going to come.
6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word.
7. What's green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.
8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.
9. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
10. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
11. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. It runs in our jeans.
12. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building and yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!".
13. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar. The bartender gave it to her.
14. Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.
15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
16. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey.
17. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag - You can hide but you can't run.
18. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
19. And the Lord said unto John "Come fourth and you will receive eternal life". But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
20. Q: How do you think the unthinkable? A: With an itheberg.
21. Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that.
22. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
23. The first rule of Alzheimer's club, is don't talk about chess club.
24. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2049 on: September 19, 2014, 08:11:01 AM »
Geeeeez...I`d wager you like strippers to take it all off at once too...Pace yourself :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline tauruck

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2050 on: September 19, 2014, 09:36:53 PM »
Jerry, you've got competition now :-o

Thrilla in Manilla or Rumble in the Duck Pond??. :-D

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2051 on: September 26, 2014, 06:38:53 AM »
Mike....You quack me up... :cheers:Anyway...Two cows are standing around chatting when one cow says " Hey, today is the day we get artificaly insemenated" and the other cow says " Really??..No bull"? :-D
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline bbarn

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2052 on: September 26, 2014, 07:48:57 AM »
There was a tap on my door this morning

My plumber has a strange sense of humor.....
I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2053 on: September 26, 2014, 07:50:52 AM »
Deja Moo.....The feeling that you`ve heard this bull before :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #2054 on: September 26, 2014, 08:01:38 AM »
hey wait a minute....heard??...Bull?....I made a funny !!!!
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.