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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1201519 times)

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1950 on: June 24, 2014, 12:51:07 PM »
Hmmmmmm......................Tuesday................................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1951 on: June 24, 2014, 12:58:46 PM »
C'moon, girls and boys -- no, wait a minnit, it's just the boys in this case.  This thread is for Fridays, remember?  Remember the hassles that I, your undeserving hard-working head handlebar holder received when you'd put your lame-o ideas of what you think is funny scattered all over hither and yon in the forum?  Remember that stuff?  Well, maybe you don't 'cause i got lots of it in my personal inbox and you all were not privy to it.  but I remember it, that's for sure.

If you've got to put up some hare-brained scheme or what-you-think is-a-witticism -- either save it for Fridays or put it in one of the other "joke" threads.

Hey, I'm tempted to make up a place for Monte and Jerry to post their one-liners and also a place for lousy puns.  Whaddaya tink of dat? :-o :-o
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline tauruck

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1952 on: June 26, 2014, 11:02:56 PM »
Dat's fair.

It's Friday here already so please don't push me off my bike?.

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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1953 on: June 27, 2014, 06:54:52 AM »
Hmmm...Books???......................I heard on the radio  that a fire broke out in the library of the University of Michigan...Thousands of books were lost and some hadn`t even been colored in yet... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1954 on: June 27, 2014, 07:26:28 AM »
The poilice just called and said they want me at the station  by 3 p.m. for an interview....Which is strange because I don`t remember putting in an application........................ :?
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Stainless1

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1955 on: June 27, 2014, 08:24:55 AM »
Hmmm...Books???......................I heard on the radio  that a fire broke out in the library of the University of Michigan...Thousands of books were lost and some hadn`t even been colored in yet... :cheers:

Were any of them red


finally  back on track  :-D
Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1956 on: June 27, 2014, 08:29:47 AM »
Once again.....Bob shows the kiddies " How it`s done" :cheers: Bravo !
« Last Edit: June 27, 2014, 08:36:02 AM by Stainless1 »
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Seldom Seen Slim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1957 on: June 27, 2014, 08:55:30 AM »
In reference to Stainless' note above, What's black and white and re(a)d all over?

Books, a newspaper, an embarrassed zebra, and so on.  You are welcome to add a few.
Jon E. Wennerberg
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Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1958 on: June 27, 2014, 01:08:35 PM »
I haven't verified this on Snopes, but a lakester driver tole me so it must be true....

 
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1959 on: June 27, 2014, 01:21:29 PM »
No Jim.....Men die sooner because we WANT to.................. :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline mc2032

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1960 on: June 27, 2014, 02:25:14 PM »
Are divorces are so expensive because they are worth it?
#1032 1350 A-PBG & F, Bunches of passes down the salt and quit counting.

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1961 on: July 03, 2014, 06:57:18 PM »
Slim, you will have to forgive me, I know it is not yet Friday, but since I will be out on the salt tomorrow.  Here goes.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?


Ten tickles!

Offline Finallygotit

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1962 on: July 03, 2014, 07:23:13 PM »
OMG that was bad.  Go to the salt and go NOW!
Dan
Tucson, AZ

Offline theazoldcrow

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1963 on: July 04, 2014, 10:34:25 AM »
How do you find out if a girl is tickelish ????   Give her a couple of test tickles !!!!
The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!

Offline Freud

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1964 on: July 04, 2014, 02:00:22 PM »
                        WIFE  FROM HELL…  

 

A  police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The  officer says,'I  clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'


The  driver says,  'Gee,  officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs  calibrating.  '


Not  looking up from her knitting the wife says:

'Now  don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise  control.'  


As  the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and  growls,
'Can't  you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'  


The  wife smiles demurely and says,

'Well  dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or  your speed would have been higher.'  

As  the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector  unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched  teeth,
'Woman,  can't you keep your mouth shut?'  

The  officer frowns and says,

'And  I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an  automatic fine.'

The  driver says,

'Yeah,  well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled  me over so that I could get my license out of my back  pocket.'  

The  wife says,

'Now,  dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.   You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'  

And  as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns  to his wife and barks,

'  WILL YOU  PLEASE SHUT UP??'  

The  officer looks over at the woman and asks,

'Does  your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

              (I love this part)






'Only  when he's been drinking'
Since '63