(Note: LANDRACING.COM donations are not tax deductible)


This is a public forum. The opinions expressed here don't
necessarily reflect the feelings of The Folks That Run The Site (that's us)
unless we explicitly say so, ok?


Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 1198110 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline will6er

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 152
  • Location: Lakewood, CO
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1845 on: May 09, 2014, 11:08:33 PM »
I once had a job circumcising elephants. The pay wasn't great, but the tips were tremendous

Offline grumm441

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1440
  • Location: Somwhere in Australia
  • HK 327
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1846 on: May 16, 2014, 06:14:18 AM »
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
Chief Motorcycle Steward Dry Lakes Racers Australia Inc
Wazavudu Bellytank  Spirit of Sunshine Bellytank

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3316
  • Age: 62
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1847 on: May 16, 2014, 07:18:01 AM »
Walking by the state prison the other day and I saw a midget escaping over the wall. Just as he hit the ground he turned and sneered at me...I thought to myself " That`s a little condescending" :cheers:
« Last Edit: May 16, 2014, 07:57:53 AM by floydjer »
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3080
  • Age: 72
  • Location: Portland, OR
  • Any fool can drive a V8
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1848 on: May 16, 2014, 07:41:28 AM »
Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . .it's women who make it hard.
Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!

Offline Milwaukee Midget

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6484
  • Age: 60
  • Location: Beerhaven, Wisconsin
  • After further investigation, I/GT record holder
    • Milwaukee Midget Racing
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1849 on: May 16, 2014, 08:37:54 AM »
Walking by the state prison the other day and I saw a midget escaping over the wall. Just as he hit the ground he turned and sneered at me...I thought to myself " That`s a little condescending" :cheers:

This explains why the DEA was out back of the Pommy Pygmy Playhouse with their bloodhounds and their searchlights, pounding on the door.

That's my ne'er-do-well brother, the Muskegon Midget.

Momma tried . . .
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline USFRAMONTE

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 623
  • Age: 66
  • Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1850 on: May 16, 2014, 08:58:54 AM »
It has finally occured to me that midgets and dwarfs,
have very little in common.
   

Offline USFRAMONTE

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 623
  • Age: 66
  • Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1851 on: May 16, 2014, 09:06:03 AM »
What is the best part of living in Switzerland?

I'm not really sure, but the flag is a big plus.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3316
  • Age: 62
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1852 on: May 16, 2014, 09:15:38 AM »
My apologies to all that were offended by my lack of political correctness in my previous post.....It`s not a "Prison"...It is a " Correctional Facility".......... :evil:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline USFRAMONTE

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 623
  • Age: 66
  • Location: West Bountiful, Utah
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1853 on: May 16, 2014, 09:50:46 AM »
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out man!

Offline tauruck

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4927
  • Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1854 on: May 16, 2014, 10:07:28 AM »
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

G, that's a good one. Thanks man. :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

Offline Milwaukee Midget

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6484
  • Age: 60
  • Location: Beerhaven, Wisconsin
  • After further investigation, I/GT record holder
    • Milwaukee Midget Racing
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1855 on: May 16, 2014, 12:13:22 PM »
My apologies to all that were offended by my lack of political correctness in my previous post.....It`s not a "Prison"...It is a " Correctional Facility".......... :evil:

On behalf of Midgets everywhere, that's mighty big of you.  :cheers:
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

We are NOT rebuilding . . . We are reloading.

GOD SAVE MG - The Queen can take care of herself!

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3316
  • Age: 62
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1856 on: May 16, 2014, 01:30:05 PM »
.................My kindness is dwarfed by yours Chris..............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3316
  • Age: 62
  • Location: grand rapids, michigan
  • "There is no duck side of the moon..."
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1857 on: May 23, 2014, 09:35:58 AM »
What is the difference betwen ignorance and apathy???.. I don`t know and I don`t care.....Hey !! You know why ducks fly south for the winter??? Because it`s too far to walk...! :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline salt27

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1525
  • Age: 63
  • Location: S.W. Orygun
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1858 on: May 23, 2014, 09:52:01 AM »
You're quacking me up.   :roll:

Offline tauruck

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4927
  • Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1859 on: May 23, 2014, 09:57:06 AM »
Jerry, Jerry!!!

Is that all you've got?. :-D :-D :-D