Stupid joke FRIDAY

[USFRAMONTE]

What is the worlds quietest sport?


Bowling, you can hear a pin drop!

[Milwaukee Midget]

Don't be disrespecting bowling.  Bowling is huge in Milwaukee.

Milwaukee's the only town I've ever lived in where when people say, "Would you like to do some lines?", they're not talking about cocaine!

[Seldom Seen Slim]

I'm not sure you know it, Jerry, but I think using a "cant opener" would make for at least two cants.


cant 2 [kant] noun:     an oblique line or surface, as one formed by cutting off the corner of a square of cube.

Top that one, hey?

[Ron Gibson]

I LOVE YOU" IN 10 LANGUAGES

English: I Love You
Spanish: Te Amo
French: Je T'aime
German: Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese: Ai Shite Imasu
Italian: Ti Amo
Chinese: Wo Ai Ni
Swedish: Jag Alskar Dig
Lithuanian: As Tave Meliu
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida,Missouri, Mississippi , Kentucky, North Carolina, West Virginia, Virginia, Saskatchewan, Alberta, British Columbia, Oregon, Upper Mich.

Nice Tits,
Get in the Truck.

[USFRAMONTE]

Don't be disrespecting bowling.  Bowling is huge in Milwaukee.

Milwaukee's the only town I've ever lived in where when people say, "Would you like to do some lines?", they're not talking about cocaine!

Chris, I can't help it....Jerry has forced my mind into the gutter....he is such a troublemaker!

[USFRAMONTE]

I'm not sure you know it, Jerry, but I think using a "cant opener" would make for at least two cants.


cant 2 [kant] noun:     an oblique line or surface, as one formed by cutting off the corner of a square of cube.

Top that one, hey?

Slim, I'll just bet you he "can't".

[floydjer]

Leave it to Slim to go off on a tangent......................

[USFRAMONTE]

Slim is one of those guys that rides a oblong object along a co-linear plane, is he not?

[bbarn]

Somebody has to square this thread back up. Let me try...


Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out." They both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home.

The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:

"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"

[floydjer]

Each day at exactly  5:06 p.m. a doctor stops into his favorite bar for a hazelnut Daiquiri  ( I know...light in the loafers)  On this particular day the bartender saw the Dr. enter and realised he was out of Hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly he used Hickory nuts as a substitute and prepared the drink.   The Dr sat down, took a sip and spit it out exclaiming " This is not Hazelnut" !!  The bartender sheepishly said " I know...It`s a Hickory Daiquiri Doc"

[USFRAMONTE]

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up,

I was like, OMg!

[manta22]

If vodka + orange juice is a "Screwdriver",

What is vodka + Milk of Magnesia?


...a Phillips Screwdriver 

[USFRAMONTE]

Just remember, you should wear a condom at every conceivable moment.

[floydjer]

If vodka + orange juice is a "Screwdriver",

What is vodka + Milk of Magnesia?


...a Phillips Screwdriver     Metric screwdriver...750 ml orange juice-250ml vodka

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Jerry, you'll never make it as a hard core drinker with recipes like that.  At best you've got your proportions backwards - should have .75 L vodka and if there's any room left in the glass - put in some orange juice.  Or hold the glass and look at an orange before drinking.