Stupid joke FRIDAY

[floydjer]

Reminds me of the time I asked a scarecrow  if he liked his job...He said " Hay....It`s in my jeans".............

[USFRAMONTE]

I had my credit card stolen last week.....I have decided not to report it because the thief is charging less than my wife.

[Dean Los Angeles]

Santa's helpers are . . . subordinate clauses

[Dean Los Angeles]

A bike can't stand alone . . . because it's two-tired.

[Dean Los Angeles]

Once you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen the mall

[floydjer]

Pace yourself Dean

[floydjer]

How do you lift an elephant with one hand??.......Well, First you find an elephant with one hand............................

[floydjer]

My broom was late for work today...Guess it over swept.......Did I ever mention I only went out with prunes during high school??...I could never find a date.........................

[USFRAMONTE]

Why did the farmer in Idaho set his alarm for 8AM?

So he would get up potato clock!

[TRT1954]

: The Deaf Wife Problem

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den.  He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'  Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)

'Bert, for the FIFTH DARN TIME, CHICKEN!'             

[floydjer]

Why did the farmer in Idaho set his alarm for 8AM?

So he would get up potato clock!

  Now THAT......Is how this thread works !!!

[floydjer]

I thought the wife would be pleased to repair my torn jeans....Or sew it seams.................

[floydjer]

Ice day bonus.............................People are so sensitive,..I offered a compliment on their nice looking beard and some lady is mad at me..................

[bbarn]

Technology is moving forward. It turns out you can now download food from the internet. The only problem is it has to be byte-sized.

[tauruck]

: The Deaf Wife Problem

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den.  He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'  Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)

'Bert, for the FIFTH DARN TIME, CHICKEN!'             

What did she say? Excellent one, thanks.