Author Topic: Stupid joke FRIDAY  (Read 2147024 times)

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Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1425 on: July 19, 2013, 10:06:24 AM »
Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?

She gave birth to mittens.

Offline Dean Los Angeles

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1426 on: July 19, 2013, 10:34:03 AM »
Last night I had a dream about radials. I woke up a little tired.

Better than the night before. I had a dream about mufflers and I woke up exhausted!
Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1427 on: July 26, 2013, 09:56:41 AM »
Why do Dragons sleep all day?... Because they fight (k)nights :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1428 on: July 26, 2013, 09:57:54 AM »
Is an empty jar of Cheese Whiz called Cheese Was ?? :roll:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline Milwaukee Midget

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1429 on: July 26, 2013, 10:08:02 AM »
Last night I had a dream about radials. I woke up a little tired.

Better than the night before. I had a dream about mufflers and I woke up exhausted!

My dream was about an oil pan - I was drained.
"Problems are almost always a sign of progress."  Harold Bettes
Well, I guess we're making a LOT of progress . . .  :roll:

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1430 on: July 26, 2013, 10:27:22 AM »
I was going to tell a joke about pizza......but,

it was kind of cheesy.

Offline ThumbBiker

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1431 on: July 26, 2013, 01:20:47 PM »
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.  A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice.  And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I don't wear clothes".

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes."  Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!!! I WON, I WON."

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers.  Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves.  The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know.  I thought YOU were watching."

stwheeler

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1432 on: July 26, 2013, 09:36:42 PM »
BBQ RULES:

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces,
and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and
other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

 

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer
while he flips the meat

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction,
concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1433 on: August 02, 2013, 07:51:27 AM »
I saw a Vampire last evening..I think he was scouting for his necks victim................
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline wobblywalrus

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1434 on: August 09, 2013, 01:22:21 AM »
It is Friday at Slim's...

This pipe wrapping is so difficult.  I am going to call my mummy.

Jessechop

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1435 on: August 09, 2013, 07:50:11 AM »
Why don't lobsters make good friends to play with?


They are shellfish

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1436 on: August 09, 2013, 08:26:44 AM »
Know why the skeleton didn`t go to the dance??.......... He had no body to go with..................... :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1437 on: August 09, 2013, 12:03:32 PM »
Do you know what the frogs in France eat??



French flies!

Offline floydjer

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1438 on: August 09, 2013, 01:13:20 PM »
Hey Monte...Like to buy a French Army Rifle?? Never fired, Only dropped once...............
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline USFRAMONTE

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Re: Stupid joke Friday
« Reply #1439 on: August 09, 2013, 02:48:35 PM »
Jerry, wasn't there also something about the French army tanks only being able to move in reverse??