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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 586166 times)
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floydjer
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"There is no duck side of the moon..."




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« on: March 20, 2009, 10:11:27 AM »

I`ll start. (Q) What`s red and bad for your teeth?  (A) A brick cheers
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
theazoldcrow
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Yup!




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« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2009, 10:14:19 AM »

How do you catch a rabbit??                             Sit behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
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The Earth, is an intergalactic insane asylum.!
manta22
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What, me worry?




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« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2009, 11:17:58 AM »

Q: What's purple and almost conquered the world?

A: Alexander the Grape.  grin
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Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
Kansas Bad Man
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WWW

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« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2009, 11:31:07 AM »

 cheesy

My kindergarten great-grandaughter gave me this one the other day.


Q.  "Why did the chicken cross the playground?"

A.  "To get to the other slide".



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willieworld
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« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2009, 11:32:46 AM »

this reminds me of a rule in the scta rule book

 Q. whats the difference between an orange and a motorcycle ?   A. they both have handlebars, except the orange                                  willie buchta
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willie-dpombatmir-buchta
Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2009, 11:53:20 AM »

Q. Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

A. Because he had a chicken stapled to his forehead.
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Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
floydjer
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"There is no duck side of the moon..."




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« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2009, 01:27:55 PM »

How do you catch a rabbit??                             Sit behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
Oh, well then...How do you catch unique rabbits?...........Unique up on them. ( If they are tame rabbits, you catch them the tame way) evil
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
smitty2
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It's just something I do to keep me out of the bar




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« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2009, 02:54:12 PM »

A duck walks into a pharmacy and ask's the drugist for a tube of chapstick.
The drugist ask's if it a cash transaction or a charge.






The duck reply's.......   Just put it on my Bill. rolleyes



Smitty   cheers
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smitty2
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It's just something I do to keep me out of the bar




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« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2009, 02:56:29 PM »

 A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar.
The Bartender looks at them and ask's......  What is this? Some kind of joke? grin


Smitty...
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smitty2
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It's just something I do to keep me out of the bar




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« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2009, 03:17:53 PM »

One night a guy came out of a bar.
He was stumbling all over and could not stop laughing.
He went to his car and tried to put the key in the lock.
After trying a few times he finally got it.

While this was happening a cop was watching him.

After the guy fell into his seat he tried to get his car to start, but
instead he turned on the windshield wipers and did a lot of other
things.
This went on for about a hour.

While this was happening a bunch of guys walked out of the bar, got in
their
cars and left. Also during this time the cop was still watching the
guy
having a hard time with his car.

After everyone had left, the cop went up to the guy and the car and
said,
"Sir, I need to give you a breathalyzer test."

Well, the guy took the test, but when the results showed, the guy was
completely clean.
The cop had no idea how that could happen so he asked the guy why that
happened.



Well, the guy replied, "Sir, tonight I was the designated decoy."


Smitty...  cheers

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smitty2
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It's just something I do to keep me out of the bar




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« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2009, 03:18:31 PM »

 Okay.... I'll quit. grin
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4-barrel Mike
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Any fool can drive a V8




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« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2009, 04:15:32 PM »

Is there a prize???  afro

Bubba was dead.
At least, they thought it was Bubba.
It had been a terrible fire.  Burnt off his fingers.  Burnt off his face.
The Medical Examiner called Bubba’s good friend Jethro in to identify the body.
“Now this is going to be ugly,” he says, “but I need you to help.”
“Ok,” says Jethro.
The Medical Examiner pulls the sheet off of the body.
“Oh, gawd!” says Jethro.  “I can’t tell.  Turn the body over.   Let me see the backside.”
They turn the body over.
“No, that’s not Bubba.”
The Medical Examiner wonders, but lets Jethro go.  He then calls in Bubba’s other good friend, Billy Bob.
“Now this is going to be ugly,” he says, “but I need you to help.”
“I can do it,” says Billy Bob.
The Medical Examiner pulls the sheet off of the body.
“Oh, gawd!” says Billy Bob.  “I can’t tell.  Turn it over.   Let me see the backside.”
They turn the body over.
“No, that’s not Bubba.”
“Now wait,” says the Medical Examiner.  “Jethro said the same thing.  How can you tell that it’s not Bubba by looking at the backside?”
“Simple,” says Billy Bob.  “Everywhere Jethro and I went with Bubba, everyone would point at him and say ‘Look, there’s Bubba with the two azzholes.’”
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Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!
willieworld
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« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2009, 04:47:19 PM »


> > Dear Abby:
> >
> > I recently read your column advising grandparents on "tough love" for
> > grandparents to give misbehaving grandchildren, whose own parents let
them
> > run wild. I have followed your advice, and enclosed a picture
> demonstrating
> > my technique when my grandson just won't behave while I'm baby-sitting
for
> > his parents. They have told me not to spank him, so I just take him for
a
> > ride, and he usually calms down afterward.
> >
> > Sign me,
> > Tough Love Grandma
       Sheri Buchta










* kdygbstry.jpg (22.99 KB, 498x345 - viewed 573 times.)
« Last Edit: March 20, 2009, 04:51:59 PM by willieworld » Logged

willie-dpombatmir-buchta
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« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2009, 06:12:36 PM »

Wife is doing the laundry and finds a condom in hubby's pocket.  She has never seen one.

"George, what's this thing in your pocket?"

"Uh, well, geez Lucy, it's a cigarette cover.  It keeps my smokes from getting wet in the rain."

That weekend Lucy is out doing errands and hits the neighborhood drugstore.  She sees the condoms on display behind the counter, as she is getting her meds.

"I'll also take some of those," pointing at the condom rack.

"Which kind would you like?"

"It doesn't matter what brand, as long as they will fit Camels."
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #14 on: March 20, 2009, 07:50:16 PM »

The wimpy little guy walks into the biker bar and heads straight for the biggest, baddest biker.

He says, "Hey!" and reaches up as high as he can and pokes him in the chest.

"Is that your Pit Bull outside?"

The guy says, "Yeah, so what."

"My dog just killed your dog."

The biker was blown away. His dog was the baddest on the planet. "How did that happen?"

"Your dog choked to death on my Chihuahua."
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Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
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