"Jokes" topic?

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Howsabout a separate topic where we could put jokes?  On another forum where I now-and-then hang out -- there's a place where we can post jokes -- without having to go through the "non-lsr" warning, and where all that enter the page are ready for jokes (so we don't have to worry about offending the casual browser.

[Glen]

I thought that was the motorcycle rules section, why add another.

[PorkPie]

I thought that was the motorcycle rules section, why add another.

Glen......as always.........just honest......

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Didja hear the one about the two priests - that died, but when they got to the pearly gates they were told by St. Peter that there wasn't room for them just now, so they'd go back to Earth for a couple of weeks.  In exchange for the inconvenience St. Peter told them that each could be anything he wanted to be for the time back on the planet.

The first one said "I'd like to be a bird", and POOF, he was gone.

The second said "I'd like to be a Stud!" -- Poof, he was gone, too.

A few weeks later St. Peter sent an angel to fetch the two Fathers, because there was room for them now in heaven.  The angel came back a little while later, and told St. Peter that the first priest was a bald eagle soaring over the Rocky Mountains, but he'd be back any time.

St. Peter said:  "Where's the other guy?"  The angel said, "Well, I couldn't find him, but I hear he's somewhere in a snow tire in Minnesota".

[Glen]

I think I will go puke, at least get a new joke Jon.  That's were this joke should be in a jon, I mean john, I don't know what the hell I mean, Jack,Porkpie fix Jon up. he has been out in the snow to much. That'ss no joke.

[Dean Los Angeles]

Phil races down the straight at Indianapolis way to fast, hits the turn three wall, and the next thing you know he's standing in front of St. Peter.
St. Peter says, "Would you like to see your race car?". Phil thinks, "Wow, race cars in heaven!"
They walk into the garage and there is this spectacular mother-of-pearl inlaid, gold leaf, race car. Better than anything he had ever seen.
St. Peter says, "Take it out on the track." Phil takes it out. On the first lap he breaks the track record. On the second lap he goes even faster. Third lap faster still.
On the fourth lap, A.J. Foyt passes him like he's standing still.
Phil comes into the pits, takes off his helmet and slams it down. He says to St. Peter, "A.J. Foyt passed me like I was standing still! I didn't even know A.J. Foyt was dead!"
St. Peter says, "It's ok. A.J. Foyt isn't dead. That's God. He just thinks he's A.J. Foyt."

[PorkPie]

I think I will go puke, at least get a new joke Jon.  That's were this joke should be in a jon, I mean john, I don't know what the hell I mean, Jack,Porkpie fix Jon up. he has been out in the snow to much. That'ss no joke.

Glen,

Jon lives on a lake and he still believes that "Nessie" lives there in this lake, due to this that he still thinks that this is Loch Ness......or something what he explained me.........you know, sometimes he can confuse so dry German's like me, too....................

[Glen]

Jon is frozen in with nothing else to do. So I guess we let him play.

[JackD]

First of all I told Jon about the monster in the lake too try and scare him out of there.
Now he wants to catch it and eat it.

If a particular shape is required to get a job at Hoooters, where can a 1 legged girl get a job ? 
SEE  BELOW







      IHOP

[Nortonist 592]

Heres one for the bike guys.

The scientists at M.I.T. have developed a super smart interactive computer.  Its converstion level is set by your I.Q.  One of the devlelopment scientists has an i.q. of 238 which he types and hits enter.  The computer immediately lights up and begins a conversation with the scientist about the origins of the universe and the mathmatical equations needed to prove the existance of black holes.  After everal minutes the scientist shuts the computer down.  The other development scientist (i.q. 224) steps up and types in his i.q.  Unfortunately he mistyoes his i.q. and puts in 24 instead of 224.  One light on the computer comes on and then dims.  The computer in a quiet tone says to the scientist "So,  Hows the Harley runnin'?"

[JackD]

I thought that was the motorcycle rules section, why add another.

Overheard again just today, "I don't get it."
The correct answer is that many don't.

[narider]

I thought that was the motorcycle rules section, why add another.

Overheard again just today, "I don't get it."
The correct answer is that many don't.

Or...
If you did, would you know what to do with it?
Todd

[JGMagoo]

Arnold Palmer dies and approaches St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter has a computer, and says "Last name, first name, and profession, please."

Arnold replies, "Palmer, Arnold, professional golfer."

While the computer is searching, St. Peter explains; "It's all really pretty simple Arnold. We just use the 10-Commandments and use a scoring system. A certain amount is deducted from your score for each infraction."

When the computer brings up Arnold's name, St. Peter is very impressed as he notes Arnold in all of nearly 80-years has only ONE infraction!  And that was for 'Taking the name of the Lord in vain'.

St. Peter says; Well, Arnold, congratulations on a nearly perfect record! There's no question that you will be allowed into Heaven. But just out of curiosity...What was the occasion for that one infraction...if I may ask??

Arnold says;  "Oh, I remember it well. It was 1977, at the Masters Tournament. I was on the 18th green, putting for a birdie and the win, and had a simple 2-foot putt....

St. Peter interrupts him and says; NO!!!  DON'T TELL ME!  YOU DIDN'T MISS A GOD-DAMNED 2-FOOT PUTT, DID YOU?!!!!!

[JackD]

"Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's spouse."

[1212FBGS]

spouse or blouse?