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Humor -- stories, links, etc -- may not be right for kids to read! => THE place for (what you think is) funny stuff. => Topic started by: John Noonan on March 16, 2009, 09:55:06 PM



Title: The first one in
Post by: John Noonan on March 16, 2009, 09:55:06 PM
Thanks Jon............. :cheers:


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: John Noonan on March 16, 2009, 09:56:32 PM
From MM:

WHO SAYS ENGINEERS ARE NO FUN?
 
When these quotes crossed our desk, we knew we had to share
them with you.  And even though it technically
involves an Australian company (arch rival of Air New
Zealand no less), many of the engineers involved are Kiwis.
Despite their distant sibling differences, one thing Aussies
and Kiwis both enjoy is a good joke.  Here's a
unique insight into their special brand of humour.
 
Airline pilots are expected to log their complaints
and observations for ground crew engineers to address and
fix.  The engineers then log their responses and the
actions taken.  Here are a few of the log excerpts.
 
P= Problem (the pilot's comments)
S= Solution (the engineer's answer)
 
 
P -- Left inside tire almost needs replacement.
S -- Almost repaired left inside tire.
 
P -- Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S -- Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
 
P -- No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S -- No. 2 propeller seepage normal.  Nos. 1, 3, & 4
     propellers lack normal seepage.
 
P -- Something loose in cockpit.
S -- Something tightened in cockpit.
 
P -- Dead bugs on windshield.
S -- Live bugs on order.
 
P -- Number 3 engine missing.
S -- Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
P -- Aircraft handles funny.
S -- Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
     be serious.
 
P -- Target radar hums.
S -- Reprogrammed target radar with words.
 
P -- Mouse in cockpit.
S -- Cat installed.
 
P -- DME volume unbelievably loud.
S -- DME volume set to more believable level.
 
P -- IFF inoperative.
S -- IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
P -- Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S -- Evidence removed.
 
P -- Suspected crack in windshield.
S -- Suspect you're right.
 


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: aircap on March 17, 2009, 07:56:04 PM
My dad was a mechanic with LearJet for nearly 30 years, and is possessed of a droll sense of humor. He admits to have written the "evidence removed" and the "autopilot not installed on this airplane" comments on squawks during his tenure.


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: Rchop on March 17, 2009, 10:04:26 PM
Hey I like this place...where was it last week :wink: Thanks Jon  :cheers:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks “Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looks around the shop and says “about 2 hours,” and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks…”how long before I can get a haircut?”

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says “about 2 hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks “how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says “about an hour and a half”. The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey, Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, “this must be good, where did he go when he left here?”

Joey says, “To your house!”


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: John Noonan on March 18, 2009, 01:23:50 AM
Randy that is a Dandy... :wink:


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: Rchop on March 18, 2009, 07:25:14 AM
Thanks John, I'm sure we can find enough material to keep this thread going :-D


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: Rchop on March 18, 2009, 07:30:14 AM
What not to do on a first date :roll:...  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu43CSStNno

My favorite canned salmon :-o...  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO97HBAgJho


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: Jimbo on March 18, 2009, 07:58:10 AM
http://68.142.200.12/us.f311.mail.yahoo.com/ya/securedownload?clean=0&fid=Inbox&mid=1_76239_ACnIjkQAAXzSScAR%2BQDAEQs4q4g&pid=2&tnef=&prefFilename=COBRACTB.wmv&cred=n4De8MEapaH8veGetdaCu5kCDQznAZE0Lw6FcGN9z_361o.i6_uwQIyKG2E9hqxXvLWlRLxKkGGO77uLPpug3X6RlMguTbLmYkgmrP8ma__AEg--&ts=1237324332&partner=ymail&sig=Lr6p4Enw0D9PQhs7RQFHtA--


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: DrofRockology on March 18, 2009, 10:09:00 AM
http://68.142.200.12/us.f311.mail.yahoo.com/ya/securedownload?clean=0&fid=Inbox&mid=1_76239_ACnIjkQAAXzSScAR%2BQDAEQs4q4g&pid=2&tnef=&prefFilename=COBRACTB.wmv&cred=n4De8MEapaH8veGetdaCu5kCDQznAZE0Lw6FcGN9z_361o.i6_uwQIyKG2E9hqxXvLWlRLxKkGGO77uLPpug3X6RlMguTbLmYkgmrP8ma__AEg--&ts=1237324332&partner=ymail&sig=Lr6p4Enw0D9PQhs7RQFHtA--

that's what happens when wolves like christopher dodd (d), timothy geithner (d), bawny fwank (d) and his royal highness (d) are charged with guarding the sheep!

anybody who trusts their money to a politician is a fool!

anybody who trusts their money to a liberal politician is a blind fool!


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: McRat on March 18, 2009, 10:48:02 AM
Nurse:  "Doctor, can you sign this prescription?"

Doctor:  "Sure."  reaches in pocket for pen...  "Darn!  This pen is out of ink!"

Nurse:  "Doctor, that's not a pen, it's a rectal thermometer."

Doctor:  "That means some ahole has my pen!"


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: John Noonan on March 19, 2009, 09:33:14 AM
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the
White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says:
"Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic
Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary
Clinton
and
I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."


The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says:



"Excellent trade, sir.  :evil:


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: DrofRockology on March 19, 2009, 10:25:30 AM
"These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.

yeah, but are they self-sharpening razorbacks?


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: John Noonan on March 19, 2009, 10:26:39 AM
Who cares..great trade... :cheers:


Title: Only in Texas
Post by: Rchop on March 19, 2009, 11:59:32 AM

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this "supposedly"-true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.


He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.


At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test..


To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'


'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'  :cheers:
__________________


Title: Be careful what you wish for...
Post by: Rchop on March 19, 2009, 12:01:52 PM
(http://members.cox.net/frsengineering/image013.jpg)


Title: Re: The first one in
Post by: Dean Los Angeles on March 20, 2009, 11:55:46 AM
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together.

They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built next to the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her with mags, spoiler, sportsline trim and all leather interior."

The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher while trekking in Italy who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty scholars 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good.
Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Love, Your Mama.