Landracing Forum
Humor -- stories, links, etc -- may not be right for kids to read! => THE place for (what you think is) funny stuff. => Topic started by: 4-barrel Mike on August 02, 2016, 01:55:04 AM
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"Borrowed" from elsewhere on the interwebs: :dhorse:
It may make it easier as you attempt to clean up the grammar here.
THE RULES:
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don’t.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
13. Do not be redundant, do not use more words than necessary, it's highly superfluous and can be excessive
14. All generalizations are bad.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Don’t overuse exclamation points!!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with words’ that show possession.
27. Don’t use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole, not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Avoid "buzz-words", such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
35. People don’t spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.
36. Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly.
37. All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morgan’s Law.
38. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
39. The dash – a sometimes useful punctuation mark – can often be overused – even though it’s a helpful tool some of the time.
40. Proofread carefully to make sure you don’t repeat repeat any words.
41. In writing, it’s important to remember that dangling sentences.
41. When numbering in a written document, check your numbering system carefully.
42. When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.
43. In good writing, for good reasons, under normal circumstances, whenever you can, use prepositional phrases in limited numbers and with great caution.
44. Avoid going out on tangents unrelated to your subject -- not the subject of a sentence -- that's another story (like the stories written by Ernest Hemingway, who by the way wrote the great fisherman story The Old Man and the Sea).
45. In English, unlike German, the verb early in the sentence, not later, should be placed.
46. Unless you're a righteous expert don't try to be too cool with slang to which you're not hip.
47. If you must use slang, avoid out-of-date slang. Right on!
48. You'll look poorly if you misuse adverbs.
49. Use the ellipsis ( . . . ) to indicate missing . . .
50. Use brackets to indicate that you [ not Shakespeare, for example ] are giving people [ in your class ] information so that they [ the people in your class ] know about whom you are speaking. But do not use brackets when making these references [ to other authors ] excessively.
51. Note: People just can't stomach too much use of the colon.
52. There are so many great grammar rules that I can't decide between them.
:cheers:
Mike
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But how do We answer all the dang, dumb, crazy, "same old same old" questions? I mean W.T.F.? If Slim ever gig's Me (for a annoying alliteration), I swear to God, that I, will split His infinitive in half, or a quarter, or less. Ya got that? Huh?......................................................................
ORB, out.........................................................................
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And I was going to publish my engine manifesto on this site. Well, with all these rules, don't hold your breath . . . . . .
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Reminds me of the notice posted at my dentist`s office... " Please tell the staff if there has been any changes in your medical information"......Jeeeeeez......
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Thanks, Mike! One for each week in the year! :cheers: :cheers:
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"Myke {thanx}'