Author Topic: Blonde joke  (Read 122066 times)

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Offline fastesthonda_jim

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #90 on: April 01, 2015, 12:00:48 AM »
Maybe not so "Blonde".  I have it on good authority that the "victim" vehicle belonged to her boyfriend.
Probably not an LSR guy though.
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Offline Stainless1

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #91 on: June 05, 2015, 09:18:29 AM »
Two sisters, one  blonde and one brunette, inherit  the family ranch.  Unfortunately, after just a  few years, they  are down to their last $600 and in financial trouble..

In  order to keep the  bank from repossessing the   
Ranch, they need  to purchase a bull so that they  can breed their  own stock.
Upon leaving,  the brunette tells  her sister, 'When I get
There, if I decide  to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
 
The brunette  arrives at the man's ranch, inspects  the bull, and decides she wants to buy  it.

The man tells her that  he will sell it for $599, no less.
After  paying him, she drives  the nearest town    to send  her sister a telegram to tell her the  news.

She walks  into the telegraph office, and says, 'I  want to send a telegram to my sister telling her  that I've bought a  bull for our ranch.
 
I need her to  hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it 
Home.'
 
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents  a word.
Well,  after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
 
After a few  minutes of thinking, she nods and says,  'I want you to send her the word  'comfortable.'
 
The operator  shakes
His head. 'How is  she ever going to know that you want her to  hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive  out here to haul that bull back 
To your ranch if  you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
 
The brunette  explains, 'My
Sister's' blonde.  The word is
Big. She'll  read it very slowly.
'com-for-DA-bul.'
 
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Offline sabat

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #92 on: June 05, 2015, 10:19:28 AM »
Two sisters, one  blonde and one brunette, inherit  the family ranch.  Unfortunately, after just a  few years, they  are down to their last $600 and in financial trouble..

In  order to keep the  bank from repossessing the   
Ranch, they need  to purchase a bull so that they  can breed their  own stock.
Upon leaving,  the brunette tells  her sister, 'When I get
There, if I decide  to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
 
The brunette  arrives at the man's ranch, inspects  the bull, and decides she wants to buy  it.

The man tells her that  he will sell it for $599, no less.
After  paying him, she drives  the nearest town    to send  her sister a telegram to tell her the  news.

She walks  into the telegraph office, and says, 'I  want to send a telegram to my sister telling her  that I've bought a  bull for our ranch.
 
I need her to  hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it 
Home.'
 
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents  a word.
Well,  after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
 
After a few  minutes of thinking, she nods and says,  'I want you to send her the word  'comfortable.'
 
The operator  shakes
His head. 'How is  she ever going to know that you want her to  hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive  out here to haul that bull back 
To your ranch if  you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
 
The brunette  explains, 'My
Sister's' blonde.  The word is
Big. She'll  read it very slowly.
'com-for-DA-bul.'
 


Offline floydjer

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #93 on: August 07, 2015, 10:17:07 AM »
How do a blonde`s brain cells die???.....Alone
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #94 on: August 07, 2015, 10:20:04 AM »
a blonde associate of mine wanted to impress me with her knowledge of state capitals....I asked what the capital of Utah is...She said  ..." U" :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline tauruck

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #95 on: August 20, 2015, 11:43:28 PM »
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever.

Offline tauruck

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #96 on: August 20, 2015, 11:55:19 PM »
Q: Why did God give blonde's 2 more brain cells than he gave cows? 

A: So they wouldn't  shit all over when you play with their tits.

Offline tauruck

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #97 on: August 20, 2015, 11:59:50 PM »
Q: How did the BLONDE die ice fishing?.

A: She was run over by the Zamboni.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #98 on: August 21, 2015, 05:38:39 PM »
geez Mike...pace yourself.
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline 4-barrel Mike

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #99 on: September 09, 2015, 07:22:10 PM »
The Horse Rider

A 30 year-old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time.  With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.  She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.  Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves and as her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Frank, the WalMart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

Mike
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Offline Kiwi Paul

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #100 on: September 13, 2015, 10:13:56 PM »
Mike!!! We have a WINNER!!! Haven`t laughed so hard in ages.... :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Offline floydjer

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #101 on: January 22, 2016, 08:27:02 AM »
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snow man???  Because you have to hollow out the head.   (yes spelling police...I know that males are blond and females are blonde.....) :cheers:
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline floydjer

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #102 on: January 02, 2018, 09:51:41 AM »
My friend Marybeth went to the Dr. because she felt terrible...doc says " Flu"?...M/B said...." No..I drove here ..."
I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.

Offline tortoise

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #103 on: January 02, 2018, 05:39:29 PM »
The idea that blondes are ditzy isn't new, George Ade wrote "the peroxide seems to have affected her brain" 130 years ago.

George Ade's first published work was in 1896, so that can't be right.

The line (approximately) appears in "The Younger Mrs. Courtney", a novel by Mrs. Frank Broaker, published in 1904. Maybe she stole it from Ade.

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Offline panic

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Re: Blonde joke
« Reply #104 on: January 02, 2018, 07:47:12 PM »
And that's what's really important, isn't it?  How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Care to compare IQs?
I don't think I need to read anything of yours.