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Author Topic: Blonde joke  (Read 36448 times)
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4-barrel Mike
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« Reply #60 on: March 12, 2011, 12:41:15 AM »

From IceColdMikey in Montreal:

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here." The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."    cheers
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« Reply #61 on: April 23, 2011, 08:26:01 PM »

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a Blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-*-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-*-T."

The Blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-*-T."

The exasperated Blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-*-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- Duuhhh!!!
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« Reply #62 on: May 04, 2011, 07:56:31 AM »

A blonde comes home from work and finds her husband in bed , naked and panting like a race horse. Assuming he`s having a heart attack she picks up the phone to call 9-1-1. Just then her 4 year old runs into the room and says " Mom,...Aunt Shirley is in the closet and she`s naked too"!! The blonde slams the phone down, barges to the closet, Rips open the door and exclaims......" You rotten b*tch.....My husband is having a heart attack and you`re playing naked hide and seek with the kids " ? cheers
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« Reply #63 on: September 11, 2011, 01:36:41 PM »

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
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« Reply #64 on: January 13, 2012, 09:28:58 AM »

Seem to be going easy on the pigmentaly challenged lately.>>>>>>>>>>.Did you hear about the blonde that nearly killed her toy poodle?? She tried to insert batteries................ evil
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« Reply #65 on: April 06, 2012, 09:06:33 AM »

Thread resurrection day.....Did you hear about the blonde that requested an aisle seat on the airplane? She didn`t want to mess up her hair by sitting in a window seat.
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« Reply #66 on: May 03, 2012, 05:04:56 PM »

A guy walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.  He puts the crocodile up on the bar.

He turns to the astonished patrons and says, "I'll make you a deal.  I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.  Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute".

"Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.  In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you must buy me a drink".

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.  The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head.  The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer, "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.  A blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

 cheers
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« Reply #67 on: May 28, 2012, 03:38:59 PM »

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground safely... I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.

'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

(Pause)

"O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven . . . . . ."
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« Reply #68 on: October 15, 2012, 08:56:09 AM »

A blonde is walking to her mailbox when the neighbor aproaches and says..." You should close your blinds at night, We were all laughing at  you and your husband making crazy monkey-love all  last night long "   The blonde says " Oh yeah? Well the joke`s on you..........I wasn`t even home last night................."
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« Reply #69 on: October 16, 2012, 01:30:57 PM »

This is funny and she's you guess it "blonde"........
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« Reply #70 on: December 03, 2012, 11:49:30 AM »

Received this morning from Wonderful Wanda:

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.  He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
 
Helloooo,............ just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.  So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. 
 
Hellooooo?  It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.  There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.  He never called back.  I bet he felt like an idiot.

 cheers
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« Reply #71 on: September 27, 2013, 07:10:41 AM »

thread resurrection day..............................A blonde takes her boyfriend out to a movie for his birthday.  She walks up to the ticket window and asks for two tickets. Clerk asks  " For......? Romeo and Juliet Huh " Blonde says " Nooooooooo....For me and my boyfriend "
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« Reply #72 on: September 27, 2013, 09:19:01 PM »

True story. I was doing work in another province and saw this sexy blonde driving a BMW Z3. It had a personalized licence plate. it read BLONDE KZN. The plate was fitted upside down.
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« Reply #73 on: October 01, 2013, 08:08:37 AM »

A blonde dies in a car crash ( she was texting while eating and applying make-up)   Saint Peter tells her " To enter Heaven you must first answer a question....what was the name of God`s son " ?   The Blonde says " Andy".......Saint Peter says " Where did you come up with Andy" ?  ( Blonde starts singing to the tune of " In the Garden')............." Andy walks with me...Andy talks with me..............................." evil
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« Reply #74 on: September 30, 2014, 02:51:48 AM »

 grin


* Blonde-Secretary-Best-Demotivational-Posters.jpg (43.35 KB, 500x383 - viewed 264 times.)
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