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Author Topic: Blonde joke  (Read 34906 times)
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Rcktscientist
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« Reply #45 on: October 20, 2010, 12:39:33 PM »

Slim,

I wish you corrected it before I had it tatoo'd on my back. Now I'm Grammatically as well as Politically Incorrect! embarassed
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Seldom Seen Slim
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« Reply #46 on: October 20, 2010, 12:43:55 PM »

Unh, you should've paid more attention to your fifth grade teacher.  What can I say?
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« Reply #47 on: October 22, 2010, 10:03:15 AM »

What can I say. it's a cut and paste job from a file I've had for 15 years... back in the days of straight text from Usenet Newsgroups before they became spam gardens.
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« Reply #48 on: October 22, 2010, 11:44:50 AM »

From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff (on FRIDAY!!  cheers ):

The Bus Ride 

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...

'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!'

 
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Stainless1
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« Reply #49 on: November 12, 2010, 09:34:26 AM »

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mother. The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

''Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs."

'Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

''No Honey, it's because you're 19"

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Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
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« Reply #50 on: December 03, 2010, 01:00:29 AM »

From Ice Cold Mikey in Montreal:

What To Do When It Snows In Newfoundland...

One winter morning a husband and blonde wife in Cornerbrook were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice, that all men who are married to GOOD Newfoundland WOMEN exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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« Reply #51 on: December 03, 2010, 01:01:46 AM »

Another from Ice Cold Mikey in Montreal:

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,
"I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"







(YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.... )









The blonde said,
"No, just up to my boobs."

"I can splash it on my eyes."
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« Reply #52 on: December 10, 2010, 05:58:31 AM »

What do you call a blonde in a freezer??     A frosted flake. wink
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« Reply #53 on: December 16, 2010, 01:38:53 PM »

From my seasonally-correct crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk asks, "What denomination?"

The blonde replies, "God help us. Has it come to this?  Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 6 Baptist."

 cheers  Merry Christmas to All!!

Mike
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« Reply #54 on: January 21, 2011, 05:41:19 AM »

Blonde goes into Denny`s. After reading the waitress` name tag , she says " Mary...That`s cute, What did you name the other one?
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« Reply #55 on: January 31, 2011, 01:51:44 PM »

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Nancy and you are losing some of your load." 

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Nancy, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name is Nancy, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
 
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Jon, it's winter in Michigan  and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

As Paul Harvey would say "and now you know the rest of the story"  rolleyes
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Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
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« Reply #56 on: February 11, 2011, 08:34:05 AM »

Reminds me of the blonde that took a bucket to see the doctor because it was "a little pale"............. cheers


* SeriousCat-758888.jpg (61.25 KB, 750x600 - viewed 230 times.)
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« Reply #57 on: March 01, 2011, 10:39:19 AM »

Blonde shows up for work crying and sniffling. Boss asks what the issue is and she tells him her mom passed away. Just then the phone at her desk rings, She answers and starts sobbing and wailing. She hangs up and exclaims......"That was my sister....Her mom died too "
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« Reply #58 on: March 05, 2011, 12:13:46 PM »

My crazy uncle in Red Bluff has something against blondes, I guess.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
 
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!  I'm like.....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!'


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« Reply #59 on: March 05, 2011, 01:26:27 PM »

Actually it was a dollar -- they had four quarters.
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