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Author Topic: Blonde joke  (Read 30939 times)
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4-barrel Mike
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« on: May 16, 2009, 05:19:12 PM »

STEPHEN & THE BLONDE
 
Stephen, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on.  The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
 
The blonde looked at Stephen and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Stephen said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Stephen placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
 
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Stephen, saying, "Fair's fair.  Here's your money."
 
Stephen replied, "I can't take your money.  I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Stephen took the money...
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« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2009, 03:59:49 PM »

A blond runs into the back of a car at a stop light, as she walks up to the car a dwarf jumps out and shouts at her, I'M not happy!! and she replies well which one are you. cheesy
« Last Edit: May 20, 2009, 07:41:57 PM by Glen » Logged

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« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2009, 07:21:26 PM »

They just found a blonde down here, frozen solid, in front of her refridgerator.  When the EMT's got her thawed out , they asked her what had happened. The slightly chilled blonde said, " I don't know. I went to the fridge to get some orange juice and when I was reading the carton it said, concentrate!
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« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2009, 07:52:01 PM »

Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde  mortician a blank check and she says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'What ever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician pr esents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

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« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2009, 08:08:09 PM »

A blonde walks into a bar.  She is decked out, gold, diamonds, mink jacket.  She is gorgeous, err... kind of.  Her head is about 4" high, and the rest of her is perfect.

Bartender says, "Uh, hi."

She says, "Just ask dammit."

Bartender queries, "What happened to you!"

She says, "I was walking down the beach and I found a bottle.  I picked it up, and a genie shot up out of it.  He was half naked and very handsome.  He said he would grant me 3 wishes.  So, well, I was kind of plain looking, so I asked, 'Can you make into a beautiful blond?'  POOF!!  He made me knock-out gorgeous.  WOW!  So I asked, 'Can you make me the richest woman on earth?'  POOF!!  Hundred dollars bills rained down all around me.  WOW!!  I had everything.  I should have stopped there.  But darn that genie was very cute.  'Could I get a little head?'"

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« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2009, 09:24:44 PM »

Dolly Parton was once asked if it bothered her that some people thought she was a dumb blonde. She said, "That's OK. I'm not dumb, and I'm not a blonde. grin
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« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2009, 07:21:39 AM »

Blonde walks  in to work Monday morning wearing a T.G.I.F. shirt. Her co-worker asks why she`s wearing a "Thank god it`s Friday shirt, on Monday  " Blonde says, "I thought it meant T#ts Go In Front" cheers
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« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2009, 07:12:23 PM »

Speaking of Dolly -

My sister, a collector of Barbie dolls, went to the Grand Ole Opry gift shop, where they had Dolly Parton dolls for sale.  She bought one, and the clerk said, "You'll need some batteries". 

"Really!", said my sister, somewhat surprised.  "What does this Dolly doll do that it requires batteries?"

"Oh, nothing", said the clerk.  "They're just for counterbalance".
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« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2009, 08:04:14 PM »

Now that's funny.
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« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2009, 07:41:27 AM »

Blonde takes her car to the repair shop because it "runs funny". Returns the next day and asks if  it was an easy fix. Mechanic says, " Crap in the air filter" and the blonde asks- " How often do I have to do that"??
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« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2009, 04:01:32 PM »

Why is it that blonde jokes seem to be the funniest??

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.
 
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
 
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your stupid Acura blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

‘It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in generally and all in the name of humor!'
 
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little Subaru on your knee.'

Mike
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« Reply #11 on: July 02, 2009, 08:01:10 PM »

Truth be known, There are only 3 blonde jokes...the rest are true.
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« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2009, 09:10:18 AM »

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while , he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, since you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blond with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

"No........not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2009, 07:35:11 PM »

Did ya hear about the blonde  trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

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« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2009, 09:31:25 PM »

A blond walks into a library and says I will have a cheese burger ,fries and a shake . The librarian says . I'm sorry this is a library? The blond whispers Sorry I want a cheese burger fries and a shake.
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