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Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 197633 times)
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #660 on: February 01, 2014, 11:48:28 AM »

And you think you are absolutely dedicated to what you do . . .


Quote
MECHANICSBURG, Ohio -- An Ohio man's family has fulfilled his dying wish to be buried astride his beloved Harley-Davidson motorcycle encased in a see-through casket.

But it wasn't easy. The project required an extra-large cemetery plot to accommodate a Plexiglas casket for Billy Standley and his hulking custom-painted 1967 Electra Glide cruiser. Five embalmers worked to prepare his body with a metal back brace and straps to ensure he'll never lose his seat.

Standley's family said he'd been talking about it for years and liked to take people to the garage to show off the unusual casket his two sons had built for him. He told people he didn't just want to ride off to heaven, he wanted the world to see him do it in the big see-through box.
"He was a quirky man," daughter Dorothy Brown said. "But when it comes to us kids, he loved us, he raised us well and, of course, we wanted to help him."

The Dayton Daily News (http://bit.ly/1dS4hsq ) reported that Standley, of Mechanicsburg, west of Columbus, died of lung cancer Sunday at age 82. He was buried Friday.

Newspaper photos of the prepared casket showed Standley with his eyes closed astride the big bike. He was dressed in black leathers, a white helmet and glasses, his gloved hands grasping the handlebars.

Standley told his family his motorcycle helped him retain his sense of adventure after he settled down to raise four children, which was quite a compromise for the man who made his start at 13 as ranch hand and rodeo rider.

He started the project himself, buying three extra burial plots next to his wife, Lorna. His sons, Pete and Roy, fashioned the casket out of Plexiglas, reinforcing the bottom with wood and steel rods to handle the extra weight.

Enlisting the help of Vernon Funeral Homes, Standley ensured his funeral would be held outside, so all his biker friends could watch his final ride.
His family agreed the processional to the cemetery might be considered a little bizarre, even shocking.
"He'd done right by us all these years, and at least we could see he goes out the way he wanted to," Pete Standley said.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/01/31/3904702/ohio-man-will-be-buried-astride.html#storylink=cpy
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« Reply #661 on: February 01, 2014, 12:00:24 PM »

 huh And just why is this considered a "joke" ?
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Seldom Seen Slim
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« Reply #662 on: February 01, 2014, 12:48:05 PM »

While putting the story of the guy on his H-D forever in the joke thread might be considered by some to be an insult to the memory of the fellow, I'd say that the story is pretty much an example of "theater of the absurd", and that makes it worthy of being posted here.  Yes, it could have been put in the Passings thread, but since the guy wasn't an LSR guy -- I think this is as good as any.  Shall we contact his family and see if they're hurt/insulted?  I'd write the note if you think I should.
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« Reply #663 on: February 01, 2014, 03:34:30 PM »

Similar things have happened before-- I remember a news story about a woman who died and in her will it specified that "...she was to be buried in her Ferrari, dressed in her favorite nightgown, sitting behind the wheel with the seat adjusted to a comfortable position."

Then there is the inscription on a grave marker in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, AZ:

"Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a forty-four

No less, no more"

Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
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Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
stwheeler
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« Reply #664 on: February 01, 2014, 04:18:51 PM »

Subject:  FATHER

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore
his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.
 
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said, "Maybe you should wear a condom . . . and put your pants on
backwards instead of your collar.
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4-barrel Mike
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« Reply #665 on: February 01, 2014, 06:27:43 PM »

An oldie, but appropriate today, I think:

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.  As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.  He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

"No," the man replied.  "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the first man.  "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"

The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.  I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.  This will be the first Super Bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man sadly shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."


 cheers   cheers

Mike
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« Reply #666 on: February 07, 2014, 10:07:36 AM »

The Australian Ventriloquist

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into the village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yes"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep's a liar!"
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« Reply #667 on: February 07, 2014, 10:45:10 PM »

barn........is that what you told that girl that you photograffed in your car at GNRS?

My hearing is going away and I couldn't catch all of it.

FREUD
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« Reply #668 on: February 08, 2014, 11:44:25 AM »

Freud, I told her the sheep was nervous!
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I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.
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« Reply #669 on: February 26, 2014, 12:30:41 AM »

A man received the following text message from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob.  I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess something to you to get it off my chest.  I have been tapping your wife, day and night whenever you're not around.  In fact, probably more than you.  I'm not getting it at home, but that's not an excuse.  I can no longer live with the guilt so I had to tell you, and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again.
 
The man, anguished and feeling utterly betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, walked over to her and shot his wife and killed her.
 
A few moments later, a second text came in:
 
Dodge autocorrect.  I meant "wifi", Bob, not "wife".  Sorry.
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« Reply #670 on: February 27, 2014, 08:47:54 AM »

Mrs. Floydjer and I were driving home from dinner last evening and I spotted what I thought to be a cat sitting in the sub-zero slush at road`s edge. I stopped the car, Patti flung open the door and it was a baby skunk. I suggested we take the poor ,wet,cold beast home and nurse it to maturity...perhaps the wife could place it between her legs for warmth during the ride?  " What about the smell" ? she inquired...." Plug his nose...He`ll be fine" I uttered all-knowingly....................... evil
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #671 on: March 01, 2014, 08:45:33 PM »

Q: How many land speed racers does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None. She better have that bottle open!
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Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
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« Reply #672 on: March 05, 2014, 01:07:04 PM »

Mrs. Floydjer just walked into the shop and asked if I could look at her car for her. I asked what the issue was and she replied " Water in the carburetor"  I pointed out that her car is fuel injected , But wondered how she came to the water conclusion??   " Because it`s in the pool" was her answer
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« Reply #673 on: March 05, 2014, 01:10:06 PM »

Q: How many land speed racers does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None. She better have that bottle open!
Hey Dean.....In the book of Genesis  (the bible, not the rock band ) God states that "Obediant wives shall be found in all corners of the world"    Then he made the world round. Probably still laughing about that one............... cheers
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #674 on: March 05, 2014, 07:36:05 PM »

I'm thinking this church is probably different than yours . . .

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Well, it used to be Los Angeles . . . 50 miles north of Fresno now.
Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
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