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Author Topic: The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread  (Read 207384 times)
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bucketlist
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« Reply #570 on: September 01, 2013, 01:34:50 AM »

While we're on the subject of numbers -

There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.
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« Reply #571 on: September 24, 2013, 12:33:28 PM »

My neighbor knocked on the front door at 3 this morning....................Fortunately I was still up practicing on my bagpipes................
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« Reply #572 on: September 24, 2013, 12:50:20 PM »

My neighbor knocked on the front door at 3 this morning....................Fortunately I was still up practicing on my bagpipes................

Ever notice how one joke can remind you of another...

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the Dodge thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pyjamas off I'm gonna make love to it!"
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I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.
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« Reply #573 on: September 24, 2013, 12:59:05 PM »

I was standing at an ATM when this little old lady asked if I could help her check her balance. So I pushed her over. evil
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« Reply #574 on: September 24, 2013, 02:57:29 PM »

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation,
but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
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I almost never wake up cranky, I usually just let her sleep in.
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« Reply #575 on: September 24, 2013, 03:22:01 PM »

Rob, I'm happy that you weren't on the road to Bendover.

Had you been we wouldn't have had that last joke to laugh about.

FREUD
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« Reply #576 on: September 25, 2013, 07:38:52 AM »

I saw a poor elderly lady fall and knock herself out  in a parking lot last night.....I know she was poor because she only had $ 1. 56 in her purse................................. evil cheers
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« Reply #577 on: September 25, 2013, 07:55:50 AM »

I think it`s just awful that Lance Armstrong is being mis-treated by the press and public. Heck, he won the Tour de France  7 times while using drugs.......Back when I was using drugs, I couldn`t even find my f`n bike...................... cheers
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« Reply #578 on: September 25, 2013, 09:01:38 AM »

Once again Jerry moves to the head of the class.....oh wait a second.....I ment to say he is still at the
head of the class.
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Stainless1
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« Reply #579 on: September 25, 2013, 05:17:20 PM »

I'm trying to figure out why they mine potash at the salt flats... shouldn't they move their operation to Colorado or Washington  rolleyes
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Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
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« Reply #580 on: September 25, 2013, 05:25:19 PM »

I'm trying to figure out why they mine potash at the salt flats... shouldn't they move their operation to Colorado or Washington  rolleyes

You're thinking of pot ash. Two words.  wink Wayno
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« Reply #581 on: September 26, 2013, 09:35:45 AM »

I'm trying to figure out why they mine potash at the salt flats... shouldn't they move their operation to Colorado or Washington  rolleyes

Then they`d have to transport it...can`t use open trailers..Probably use reefers............
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« Reply #582 on: September 26, 2013, 09:36:22 AM »

..............To take it to their joint.......................
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« Reply #583 on: September 26, 2013, 09:37:59 AM »

....Just weeding out the bad puns................
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« Reply #584 on: September 26, 2013, 09:47:40 AM »

How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb???.... Who cares...i have a lighter anyway................... afro
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