floydjer
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Age: 54
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 813
"There is no duck side of the moon..."
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« Reply #75 on: May 01, 2009, 12:18:07 PM » |
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Two lesbian frogs are "'sharing the afternoon" when one says to the other...."People are right,...You do taste like chicken"  |
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
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maguromic
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« Reply #76 on: May 01, 2009, 01:09:43 PM » |
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That's just fowl. |
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“If you haven’t seen the future, you are not going fast enough”
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smitty2
Sr. Member
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Age: 56
Location: Warrenton, Oregon
Posts: 316
Wabbit season.
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« Reply #77 on: May 01, 2009, 04:22:11 PM » |
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?...... A stick. When I was a kid I thought Cheerio's were Donut seeds. Last week I burned my hand really bad... I was trying to speed read a book of matches. Smitty |
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A Duck walks into a pharmacy and orders a tube of Chapstick... Druggist says" Will that be cash, or charge?".. Duck says... "Just put it on my bill".
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McRat
Hero Member
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Age: 52
Location: Norco CA
Posts: 1431
Diesel Hotrodder
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« Reply #78 on: May 01, 2009, 05:42:09 PM » |
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How come everytime some yahoo fires up a Ditch Witch in my backyard, it heads straight to the nearest gas line or live electric line? The only thing I can figure: When natural gas fumes get into an engine, it runs stronger. When there is plenty of juice in the battery, it runs stronger. New engines have computers in them. Modern computers can "learn" and adapt. So the new Ditch Witches actively seek out natural gas and electricity. Is this Comedy? Not if you are the one paying for the repairs...  |
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Pat and Kat McSwain - DT 1616 "Casper" 2005 GMC 2500HD Sierra 4x4 Duramax Diesel + Allison Transmission B/DT & A/DT record holder, El Mirage (163) & Bonneville (175) Best clocking 197.068 mph - Bonneville '09, 2.25mi www.duramaxdiesels.com |
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #79 on: May 01, 2009, 06:04:32 PM » |
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Charlie shows up for work with two serious burns on either side of his face.
His buddy asks him what happened.
"I was doing some ironing for my wife when the phone rang. I got mixed up and picked up the iron."
"What happened on the other side?"
"I had to call the doctor!"
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Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #80 on: May 01, 2009, 06:08:38 PM » |
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Charlie shows up for work with two serious black eyes.
His buddy asks what happened.
"I went to church on Sunday just like always. I was standing behind Cindy Smith, the pastors wife. I noticed that her dress was caught in the crack and looked uncomfortable, so I pulled it out. She turned around and clobbered me."
"How did you get the other black eye?"
"Well, I had to put it back, didn't I?"
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Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
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McRat
Hero Member
Offline
Age: 52
Location: Norco CA
Posts: 1431
Diesel Hotrodder
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« Reply #81 on: May 01, 2009, 06:11:03 PM » |
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"Chucky? Taste this and tell me what it is."
"PHEWWWW!!! THAT'S GASOLINE YOU IDIOT!!"
"No shiit. Is it leaded or unleaded?"
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Pat and Kat McSwain - DT 1616 "Casper" 2005 GMC 2500HD Sierra 4x4 Duramax Diesel + Allison Transmission B/DT & A/DT record holder, El Mirage (163) & Bonneville (175) Best clocking 197.068 mph - Bonneville '09, 2.25mi www.duramaxdiesels.com |
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Ron Gibson
Full Member
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Age: 71
Location: Omaha NE
Posts: 181
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« Reply #82 on: May 01, 2009, 11:49:56 PM » |
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There was a young lady in a small town, with a last name of Green. As in many towns, there are some with looser morals than others. Due to her ways, she had acquired the nickname of Nooky Green.
Several members of the local church had be trying for some time to get her to abandon her wayward ways repent and start attending church. Finally, one Sunday, she decided to repent her sins. All she had to wear was her normal clothes, so she came to church in her very best micro-mini skirt. Prepared to give herself, she sat in the very front row to be ready.
As the service was preparing to start, the pastor was looking over the group and spotted her sitting in the front row in her finery.
He turned to the Deacon and said "Is that Nooky Green?"
The Deacon squints at her and says "I don't think so Sir, I think it's a reflection from the stained glass windows."
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Life is an abrasive. Whether you get ground away or polished to a shine depends on what you are made of.
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Dean Los Angeles
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« Reply #83 on: May 02, 2009, 06:57:02 PM » |
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Herb is visiting from the city to his brother's farm. Charlie is showing him the barn, the combine, the feed lot . . .
Herb says, "Hey! What happened to that pig. He's missing three legs!"
Charlie replies, "That pig! That pig! He saved my life! I was running the combine when it jammed. I was trying to get it unjammed when it popped into gear and lurched forward. That pig dashed over and shoved me out of the way. That pig! He saved my life."
"Yeah, but what happened to his legs?"
"That pig! He saved my life again two months later. I was driving back to the farm on a rain slicked road and I lost control of the truck. It went off the road into a ditch and was crushing me. That pig came over and lifted the truck off of me. That pig! He saved my life."
"Yeah, but he's missing three legs!"
"Well, of course! You don't eat a pig like that all at once!"
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Just remember . . . It isn't life or death.
It's bigger than life or death! It's RACING.
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Glen
Global Moderator
Hero Member
Offline
Age: 76
Location: South West Utah
Posts: 5130
SCTA/BNI timer 1983 to 2004,Semi Retired,.
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« Reply #84 on: May 02, 2009, 07:49:52 PM » |
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Yesterday was Friday, points are taken away for day late stuff, even flu pigs
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Glen  South West, Utah |
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floydjer
Hero Member
Offline
Age: 54
Location: grand rapids, michigan
Posts: 813
"There is no duck side of the moon..."
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« Reply #85 on: May 04, 2009, 10:37:56 AM » |
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Yesterday was Friday, points are taken away for day late stuff, even flu pigs
Thought I am in charge of non-Friday snide remarks :wink:Jerry |
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
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Glen
Global Moderator
Hero Member
Offline
Age: 76
Location: South West Utah
Posts: 5130
SCTA/BNI timer 1983 to 2004,Semi Retired,.
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« Reply #86 on: May 04, 2009, 10:41:04 AM » |
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Saturday is a free day for snide remarks.  |
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Glen South West, Utah |
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Stainless1
Global Moderator
Hero Member
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Age: 61
Location: Wichita KS
Posts: 3767
Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele Wichita, Kansas
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« Reply #87 on: May 04, 2009, 10:47:28 AM » |
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The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.  |
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Stainless
MSA Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
Builder of Bike 278 1000cc APS-G, Kids Red Hat Record 208.959 (old PS rules)
Other kids A-G record 179.172 Josh O record 182.266
Co-owner of the Amo Steele Streamliner, #1411... still sorting
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Stan Back
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« Reply #88 on: May 04, 2009, 12:23:31 PM » |
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How true! But you have to realize that it's never been more like this than it is right now.
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Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters – California's most-exclusive roadster club.
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McRat
Hero Member
Offline
Age: 52
Location: Norco CA
Posts: 1431
Diesel Hotrodder
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« Reply #89 on: May 04, 2009, 12:30:54 PM » |
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Today is the first day of the rest of your tax year. |
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Pat and Kat McSwain - DT 1616 "Casper" 2005 GMC 2500HD Sierra 4x4 Duramax Diesel + Allison Transmission B/DT & A/DT record holder, El Mirage (163) & Bonneville (175) Best clocking 197.068 mph - Bonneville '09, 2.25mi www.duramaxdiesels.com |
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