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Author Topic: Stupid joke Friday  (Read 558075 times)
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USFRAMONTE
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« Reply #2955 on: July 29, 2016, 08:29:58 AM »

It seems to me that Great Britain and the United States are in the midst of a contest to see which one can make the biggest mess out of their country.  Right now, England appears to be in the lead, but we do have the Trump card
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« Reply #2956 on: July 29, 2016, 08:54:00 AM »

Jerry?Huh


* u-mad-bro-again.jpg (37.63 KB, 552x360 - viewed 69 times.)
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WOODY@DDLLC
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« Reply #2957 on: July 29, 2016, 06:56:22 PM »

Pete and Repeat claim some of these may be repeats ..........

I was addicted to the hokey-pokey but I turned myself around.

Went to the Air & Space museum but there was nothing there! [For gkabbt  grin]

Hold the door open for a clown - it's a nice jester!

If attacked by a mob of clowns go for the juggler!

The second mouse gets the cheese!

My reality check bounced!

All those that believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

Between two evils I always pick the one I've never tried!

Cure for an obsession - get another one!

The first five days after a weekend are the hardest!

I child proofed my home but the kids still get in.

The past, present and future walk into a bar - it was tense!

A clear conscience is the first sign of a fuzzy memory.

Does seven days without meat make one week?

Ban pre-shredded cheese - make America grate again!  cheers
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All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz
floydjer
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« Reply #2958 on: August 05, 2016, 08:22:09 AM »

What did the carrot say to the disc jockey??....lettuce turnip the beet...............................
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« Reply #2959 on: August 05, 2016, 07:35:03 PM »

1.      Woman:  It’s nice outside today, let’s go for a walk.

         Man:  Hahaha.  I like the way you pronounce, “Let’s go for a drink.”

2.      Larry had a doctor’s appointment but he didn’t want to go.  So he called in sick.

3.      A man sued the airlines for his misplaced luggage.  But ultimately he lost his case.

4.      My brother-in-law is surprised that women’s soccer has so many participants… given that they all have to show up wearing the same outfit.

5.      I was just diagnosed with color-blindness.  I had no idea…it came at me out of the green.

Bonus:

I ate some uranium for breakfast and now I have… atomic ache.

I realized that I'm unique - just like everyone else!  shocked grin
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All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz
floydjer
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« Reply #2960 on: August 12, 2016, 07:10:24 AM »

How does NASA put together an office party?Huh....They planet cheers
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floydjer
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« Reply #2961 on: August 12, 2016, 07:11:53 AM »

I just heard on the news that some guy killed several people on a train in Mexico.....He had loco motives.......................
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floydjer
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« Reply #2962 on: August 19, 2016, 09:56:38 AM »

Easiest place to drown a hipster???..In the mainstream.................
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floydjer
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« Reply #2963 on: August 19, 2016, 09:57:28 AM »

I asked a bank teller to check my balance....So she pushed me backwards.......................
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floydjer
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« Reply #2964 on: August 19, 2016, 09:58:45 AM »

.....................a bartender says...." Sorry, We don`t served time travelers here.....................a time traveler walks into a bar.................... cheers
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« Reply #2965 on: August 19, 2016, 10:00:28 AM »

Missed last week so double abuse today ..................

1.    We took our puppy to the vet because the poor little thing had a fever.  The vet said to pour mustard on her… because it is good on a hot dog.

2.    A cheese factory blew up in France last week and there was nothing left but du Brie.

3.    Player:  “Coach, my doctor says I can’t play football.”       Coach:  “I could have told you that!”

4.    I told my doctor I am dizzy during the first ˝ hour after I wake.  He told me to sleep 30 minutes longer.

5.    If I decide not to get that brain transplant, did I change my mind?

6.    I told the guy who knocked on my front door that I had not requested a piano tuning.  “But your neighbors did,” he replied.

7.    Dr. Frankenstein gravely misunderstood the objective when he entered the local bodybuilding contest.

8.    My niece asked me if I wanted to see something really swell.  “Sure!,” I replied.  So she hit my thumb with a hammer.

9.    I was at the doctor’s office and I saw a banana sitting next to me.  “Not peeling well?,” I inquired.

10.   When is a dog’s tail not a tail?          When it’s a-waggin.
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All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz
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« Reply #2966 on: August 19, 2016, 10:34:14 AM »

Do you know why it became tradition for a man to ask for a woman's hand in marriage?





Because he got tired of using his own!
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floydjer
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« Reply #2967 on: August 26, 2016, 07:47:30 AM »

A woman goes into a doctor`s office to talk about her teen daughter...she tells the Dr. that the girl spends all day in bed eating yeast and car wax...The doc says " Don`t fret over it...She`ll rise and shine....."
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Stainless1
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« Reply #2968 on: August 26, 2016, 09:07:12 AM »

Dr Goggles said he would hit me with the neck of his guitar for bringing up his birthday...

I said "that sounds like a fret"

 grin  cheers
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Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
Seldom Seen Slim
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Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!


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« Reply #2969 on: August 26, 2016, 09:21:04 AM »

Stainless, you've created a bridge that opens up the day to guitar puns.  Oh, no -- I can see a string of 'em coming up accelerando.
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Jon E. Wennerberg
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