Stupid joke Friday

[Seldom Seen Slim]

This one's really true scoop:

Back when public radio was just beginning to be "public radio" instead of "educational radio" -- the public broadcasting folks had a great PR guy who came up with this phrase to describe the service.  He said that "Public radio is the rare medium that's well-done". 

Really he did, I kid you not.  It was on the radio back in the late 60's and early 70's.  I don't remember his name -- it was the 60's, you know. . .

[floydjer]

Slim...........You of all people. ( I`m referring to the day,of course)JB

[Gwillard]

This one's really true scoop:

Back when public radio was just beginning to be "public radio" instead of "educational radio" -- the public broadcasting folks had a great PR guy who came up with this phrase to describe the service.  He said that "Public radio is the rare medium that's well-done". 

Really he did, I kid you not.  It was on the radio back in the late 60's and early 70's.  I don't remember his name -- it was the 60's, you know. . .

I heard something similar describing why television is called a "medium". It is because nothing on it is either rare nor well-done. 

[floydjer]

What do you call a fly with no wings??..............A walk

[floydjer]

Rudy and Sasha are sitting in their Moscow apartment when Rudy looks out at the clear,blue sky and says " Looks like rain". 10 seconds later, a rain of biblical proportions starts. Wife asks how he predicted that and he replies............."Rudolph the red knows rain, Dear"

[4-barrel Mike]

"Ultimate Redneck Waterskiing": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5AcQahwKs0

  

Mike

[k.h.]

A husband asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the Lotto?"


She replies, "I'd take half, then leave you."


"Excellent," he replies, "I won 12 bucks, here's $6.00, now get out."

[DavidinDurango]

Is that Rudolph, the communist weatherman?


Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.

What does Rudolph the Reindeer say when he tells a joke?........"This one will sleigh you"

[floydjer]

What do oceans say when they meet?.........Nothing, They wave.  ( I`ll be here all week,Don`t forget to tip your waitress)

[floydjer]

Q) What says "tick tock woof, tick tock woof"?A) A watch dog

[Dean Los Angeles]

Q) What goes "whiff whiff pong, whiff whiff pong, whiff whiff pong? A) Two guys playing tennis in corduroy shorts. 

[Dean Los Angeles]

The German prisoner of war camp was not going well.

The commandant was infuriated that the American prisoners would not cooperate.

The commandant had all of the prisoners lined up in the broiling sun.

"You vill stand at attention! You vill not move a muscle until I tell you to do so."

Several hours go by. The commandant returns.

"I see you are restless. I vill give you something to do. You will stand at attention. You vill move your head side to side and say 'tick tock, tick tock' until I tell you to stop."

The entire camp is standing in the unendurable heat going "tick tock, tick tock".

There heads are going back and forth, and after a while a few of them start swaying front to back just before they faint from the heat.

As the afternoon wears on one by one they fall.

As the heat peaks there is finally just one soldier still standing. He is moving is head to one side only and saying "tick, tick, tick."

The commandant returns to this one still standing soldier. He walks up to him and studies him carefully.

"I see you have disobeyed my command. You stand in front of me going 'tick, tick, tick.' It is no matter."

"Ve have ways to make you tock."

[LittleLiner]

This one's really true scoop:

Back when public radio was just beginning to be "public radio" instead of "educational radio" -- the public broadcasting folks had a great PR guy who came up with this phrase to describe the service.  He said that "Public radio is the rare medium that's well-done". 

Really he did, I kid you not.  It was on the radio back in the late 60's and early 70's.  I don't remember his name -- it was the 60's, you know. . .

I also heard the same guy went to a palm reader to have her tell him his fortune.  As she looked at his palm she said with a smile and a giggle . ."you will die young". 

She laughed again and said, "You will soon lose all your money and possessions." 

Then with a great belly laugh she shouted, "AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU! HA! HA! HA!"

Well he didn't see the humor in his fortune and was so outraged at her laughter that he began to beat the fortune teller to within a inch of her life. 

The police arrived and took him to the judge.  The next day the front page of the local paper said - "Man arrested for striking a happy medium."

[4-barrel Mike]

From my crazy uncle in Red Bluff:

Teeth down there

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his mom to come out. While waiting, the little boy gets bored and just when his mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"
 
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend.
 
One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"HELL NO!" he cries, "You've got teeth down here!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "There's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes there are," he says, "My mom told me."

"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."  With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

[wolbrink471]

My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."  

So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in for a bit, pulled out, flipped her back over and messed her face and hair.  

She stormed out of the bedroom.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.