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Author Topic: Jokes Saturday thru Thursday  (Read 2745 times)
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Stan Back
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« on: November 26, 2016, 01:01:07 PM »

I'm either a little bit late or a whole lot early, but  . . .

While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard
 the noise and called out, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the
 cart up later." I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing
 what appeared to be a very nice figure.

 "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would
like it."

 "Oh, come on now," she insisted.

 She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive.
                
 I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed.

 After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot
 better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better
 go now."

 "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly
more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is
 she?"

 I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess."
« Last Edit: November 26, 2016, 03:14:52 PM by Stainless1 » Logged

Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters California's most-exclusive roadster club.
Celebrating 65th anniversary of racing on the salt.
Stainless1
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Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele Wichita, Kansas



« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2016, 03:16:08 PM »

Sorry Stan.... had to draw a line in the sand  rolleyes Friday is Friday
 cheers
« Last Edit: November 26, 2016, 05:34:39 PM by Stainless1 » Logged

Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
Seldom Seen Slim
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Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!


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« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2016, 04:21:02 PM »

I know the rest of it anyway.  No big deal when it's an old story.   Of course -- what would you expect form Mr. Back?  Teddy bears and runny babbits?
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Jon E. Wennerberg
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floydjer
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« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2016, 08:51:53 AM »

Bob and I are in the same...club
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Buickguy3
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« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2017, 01:29:56 PM »

   SSS just pointed out that this page existed.
  Doug  cheers cheers cheers

     


                             



The Circus Family

 

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.

 

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

 

The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

 

The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

 

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."

 

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

 

"Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."

 

The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

 

"It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
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manta22
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What, me worry?




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« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2017, 06:36:43 PM »

Inevitably....it is hard to find a kid of this caliber..... rimshot, please.

Regards, Neil
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Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ
bbarn
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« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2017, 07:54:47 AM »

Inevitably....it is hard to find a kid of this caliber..... rimshot, please.

Regards, Neil
http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true

Which reminds me of these two brothers.... I wonder how long the drummer waited for this day to come?
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Stainless1
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Robert W. P. "Stainless" Steele Wichita, Kansas



« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2017, 04:52:10 PM »

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel.
"Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer."
"Oh c'mon. You can't just slide me one?"
"Can't and will not serve to anyone under age."
"Fine. Well what other things do you have?"
"Well for non-alcoholics I have tap water and bottled water, I have coffee, and I have pop. Which would you like?"



"Pop," goes the weasel.  cheers
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Stainless
Red Hat 228.039, 2001, 65ci, MSA Bockscar Lakester with a little N20 
MSA Bockscar Lakester #1000 my fastest mile 245 and change, 84 ci turbobusa motor... but Corey's 233 MPH H/BFL record is still 3MPH faster than mine.
4-barrel Mike
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Any fool can drive a V8




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« Reply #8 on: July 10, 2017, 05:01:12 PM »

And he was undoubtedly served "Radioactive Mulberry Martian Soda"



(with a monkey chaser)  afro

Available at: http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0269/2121/products/Radioactive_Soda_Mulberry_large.png?v=1390946094   cheers

Mike
« Last Edit: July 10, 2017, 05:02:56 PM by 4-barrel Mike » Logged

Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!
Seldom Seen Slim
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Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!


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« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2017, 04:37:34 PM »

Never let it be said that I don't appreciate a good guitar joke when I see/hear one.


* Screen shot 2017-07-18 at 5.34.25 PM.jpg (184.46 KB, 525x852 - viewed 141 times.)
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Jon E. Wennerberg
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Stan Back
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« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2017, 05:28:08 PM »

Got me on that.
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Seldom Seen Slim
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Nancy -- 201.913 mph record on a production ZX15!


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« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2017, 10:27:03 AM »

"Hey, Stan.  The Inspector says you gotta go to Carquest and get 20 feet of firesleeve if you wanna race the truck."

Anybody else have captions?  I found this truck in the lot of the guy that does excavation and dirt work for us.  I won't say any more.


* Screen Shot 2017-07-23 at 11.21.13 AM.jpg (311.91 KB, 950x655 - viewed 98 times.)
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Jon E. Wennerberg
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Buickguy3
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« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2017, 07:24:10 AM »

    Here's an older one, but still good.



I had heard this one many years ago about the French Foreign Legion in Africa.

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the
 Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a
 camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

 He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

 The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here
 on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we
 have Molly the Camel.

 The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can
 understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

 About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed
 with lust, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
 Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder,
 pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel.

 When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

 'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the
 girls are."

    Doug  cheers cheers cheers

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I keep going faster and faster and I don't know why. All I have to do is live and die.
                   [America]
Ron Gibson
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« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2017, 03:30:52 PM »

Stans humor on the other post reminds me.

A father was checking on a room for his family and asked the clerk about the reputation of the motel.
He was assured by the clerk that it was a very upstanding motel.
He then asked about room rates.
The desk clerk said "$8 per hour or $80 a night"

Ron
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floydjer
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« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2017, 07:59:55 AM »

I stayed there Ron !!!  when I asked if the porn channels were disabled ..The clerk said " No..It`s all able bodied porn you sick b*stard"
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
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