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Author Topic: For the local Comma Cop  (Read 1367 times)
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4-barrel Mike
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« on: August 02, 2016, 12:55:04 AM »

"Borrowed" from elsewhere on the interwebs:   Dead Horse

It may make it easier as you attempt to clean up the grammar here.

 THE RULES:

 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

 2. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

 7. Be more or less specific.

 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again

 10. No sentence fragments.

 11. Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so donít.

 12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.

 13. Do not be redundant, do not use more words than necessary, it's highly superfluous and can be excessive

 14. All generalizations are bad.

 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

 16. Don't use no double negatives.

 17. Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.

 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).

 20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.

 22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

 23. Donít overuse exclamation points!!!!!

 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

 25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with wordsí that show possession.

 27. Donít use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.. Tell me what you know."

 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole, not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.

 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

 31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?

 33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

 34. Avoid "buzz-words", such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.

 35. People donít spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.

 36. Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly.

 37. All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morganís Law.

 38. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

 39. The dash Ė a sometimes useful punctuation mark Ė can often be overused Ė even though itís a helpful tool some of the time.

 40. Proofread carefully to make sure you donít repeat repeat any words.

 41. In writing, itís important to remember that dangling sentences.

 41. When numbering in a written document, check your numbering system carefully.

 42. When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.

 43. In good writing, for good reasons, under normal circumstances, whenever you can, use prepositional phrases in limited numbers and with great caution.

 44. Avoid going out on tangents unrelated to your subject -- not the subject of a sentence -- that's another story (like the stories written by Ernest Hemingway, who by the way wrote the great fisherman story The Old Man and the Sea).

 45. In English, unlike German, the verb early in the sentence, not later, should be placed.

 46. Unless you're a righteous expert don't try to be too cool with slang to which you're not hip.

 47. If you must use slang, avoid out-of-date slang. Right on!

 48. You'll look poorly if you misuse adverbs.

 49. Use the ellipsis ( . . . ) to indicate missing . . .

 50. Use brackets to indicate that you [ not Shakespeare, for example ] are giving people [ in your class ] information so that they [ the people in your class ] know about whom you are speaking. But do not use brackets when making these references [ to other authors ] excessively.

 51. Note: People just can't stomach too much use of the colon.

 52. There are so many great grammar rules that I can't decide between them.

 cheers

Mike
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Mike Kelly - PROUD owner of the V4F that powered the #1931 VGC to a 82.803 mph record in 2008!
Bob Drury
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« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2016, 02:06:14 AM »

  But how do We answer all the dang, dumb, crazy, "same old same old" questions?  I mean W.T.F.?  If Slim ever gig's Me (for a annoying alliteration), I swear to God, that I, will split His infinitive in half, or a quarter, or less.  Ya got that?  Huh?......................................................................
                                                                                  ORB, out.........................................................................
« Last Edit: August 02, 2016, 02:08:14 AM by Bob Drury » Logged

Bob Drury
fordboy628
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GONE FISHIN' . . .




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« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2016, 04:54:58 AM »

And I was going to publish my engine manifesto on this site.    Well, with all these rules, don't hold your breath . . . . . .
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I used to be a people person.  But people changed that relationship.

"There is nothing permanent except change."    Heraclitus

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."     Albert Einstein
floydjer
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« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2016, 07:30:44 AM »

Reminds me of the notice posted at my dentist`s office... " Please tell the staff if there has been any changes in your medical information"......Jeeeeeez......
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I`d never advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone...But they work for me.
WOODY@DDLLC
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It's GONE ......... the Ohio Mile! :-(


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« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2016, 09:53:15 AM »

Thanks, Mike! One for each week in the year!  cheers cheers
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All models are wrong, but some are useful! G.E. Box (1967) www.designdreams.biz
Stan Back
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« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2016, 11:26:40 AM »

"Myke {thanx}'
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Member of the San Berdoo Roadsters Ė California's most-exclusive roadster club.
Celebrating 65th anniversary of racing on the salt.
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